Draft funeral service for adaptation

This text is based on various funerals I have done, and is meant to be ADAPTED to the particular circumstances of the person who has died and those they have left behind. 

As you know Jane Cook died [day, time, place, and usually brief description of the circumstances].

Jane was important to each of you in different and very special ways
as a wife
as a mother and grandmother
as a sister
as some other family connection
or as a friend

And today you have come here with your love
and your care
and your respect

We will say a kind of goodbye, today
But there is a sense also in which we say hello
Because while we say goodbye to the kind of connection we have had with Jane, we will also try to strengthen our memories today
And say hello again to the Jane who lives on within us in our hearts and minds

This is a time for expressing our sorrow at her death
and for trying to comfort those who were closest to her
But mostly this is a time for celebrating her life

There will be an opportunity later in the service for anyone who wishes to come forward to say a few words, perhaps to share a memory or a sense of what Jane meant to you

we will talk of her life
and then we will commit her body to be cremated
and end the service by taking the casket out to the hearse

[or whatever is the intention]

[At this point we might talk about any box for donations in the foyer and any memorial book that is to be signed, and issue an invitation to the social gathering to be held after the funeral.]  

Jane's spirit and her life were a part of the spirit and the life of the people who were close to her
and with her death I guess there is a part of us too, that dies 
We mourn for her but we mourn also for that part of ourselves which, with Jane's death, is now behind us
But there is something also that remains
Because Jane's influence has not ended with her physical death
Her  warmth
and her love
and her values
were given out and shared around
and they have become a living part of the people who were close to her
So Jane is not just part of the past
each of you carries something important of her with you into the future 

We think, today, of those who were closest to Jane.
Lives which have been closely tied together 
cannot be separated without pain 
So our thoughts today are particularly with Bruce
Jane's husband

And we think of the children [names]
And the grandchildren [names]

 [It is useful in fact to name all the closest people, whether related or not.]

We think of those who were closest to Jane
We think also of all the other people 
who have over the years been important in Jane's life
or for whom Jane has been important 
The people she grew up with
the people she worked with
the people whose company she enjoyed

One thing we can be certain of today is that Jane would not want you to remember her in sadness
but rather in love
perhaps with a smile
and with a thought to all the good and happy moments of her life

But although we know Jane would not want you to remember her in sadness
you who knew her are inevitably sad right now 
This sadness is a hurt 
But it is a hurt which could only have been avoided 
if Jane had never been a part of your life 

It is worth remembering that sadness comes out of caring–out of love
And that all human love ends in sadness 
Sadness then is a measure of love and therefore in its way a kind of privilege

It also marks a new stage 
Jane will not be here in the same way for her family and friends any more
and her love is changed 
But her love lives on
in the things she has given in her life
and which remain in the hearts and memories
of those who knew her through her life.

Along with our sadness at Jane's death 
we also find something to be glad about at this time 

We are glad she is not suffering
and that she is at peace 
We are glad for the joys that Jane had
and for the fullness of her life 
We are glad for having known her
and for the things she gave 
and the things she taught us 

[An appropriate Funeral reading or piece of music might fit here, or a hymn.]

So. Now is the time in the service for you to come up here to make your contribution, to share a thought, perhaps, or a sense of what Jane meant to you. I'm going to sit down for a while, and you should just come up here to the lectern in your own time and say what it seems right to say. And if there's some silence, too, well that's OK.

[Sometimes the family prefer that selected people are invited by name.

[After everyone else has spoken, any special ceremonial respects from lodges, the Returned Services Association and so on are appropriate. Some of these organisations prefer to go at the end of the service, but this often has the effect of giving primacy to a relatively small or distant part of the person’s life.

[Then the celebrant should talk about the person who has died.]

As I’ve talked to members of the family and to friends over the last few days. I’ve developed a picture of Jane….

[This should probably be an overview—a history and a thumbnail sketch of the person’s character. It cannot do justice—but it can help family and friends strengthen and rearrange their memories.]

Thank you Jane
Thank you for the good times
Thank you for your hard work
Thank you for your love
Thank you for your laughter
Thank you most of all, Jane, for being you
You have filled your niche and accomplished your tasks. 
You leave this world a richer place than you found it. 

Could we now have just a few moments in which everyone can be with their own thoughts and memories of Jane?

........

Now, while we play some music, perhaps you might like to come forward
to put a flower on the casket, as a way of saying a kind of goodbye
I have a tray of flowers here, so just come up in your own time

….

[If there is to be a prayer, this would be an appropriate point for it. Many people like the Lord’s Prayer (“Our Father”) or the words of the Twenty-Third Psalm (“The Lord’s my shepherd”) or a short funeral prayer (“God our Father, we thank you …”). It is also the place for a fitting non-religious reading.]

In the rising of the sun and in its going down, 
we will remember her
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
we will remember her
When we notice things she liked
we will remember her
And when we notice things she hated

When we see in others glimpses of her ways 
we will remember her
When we see in ourselves things that she would value
we will remember her

So long as we live, she too will live
as we remember her.

So now we must say a kind of goodbye
Shall we stand?

Today is a closing and an opening—
a saying goodbye and a saying hello again
So while we say farewell to the Jane that we knew
we greet the Jane who has become a part of us
the Jane who lives on with us
in the thoughts and memories that we cherish 

Jane Emma Cook

Your life we honour
your departure we accept
your memory we cherish

In grief at your death
But in gratitude for your life
and for the privilege of sharing it with you
we commit your body to be cremated 

Earth to earth
ashes to ashes
dust to dust

Rest now at the end of your days
your work is done
rest in the hearts and the minds of all you love

If you who knew her can learn from her experience
if you can profit from her example
if you can live a little better for having known her
Then this will give continuing purpose to her life
and be a living memorial to her 

May you find comfort
and richness and example in your memories
may you find support
in your love for one another
and may you find strength in your hearts

 

This outline owes a great deal to 

 

© Bill Logan 2001, 2004