Untitled Document

How to make a Civil Union right

This draft is written with the idea that the couple will change it, personalise it, add to it and cut it down. If you want to discuss any aspect of the service, don't hesitate to contact me.

Some useful questions to ask yourselves as you decide what words you want in this ceremony are:

• Why are we having this ceremony?

• For us, what are the most important things in the world? What are our core values?

• What is the most special thing about our relationship?

• What would we like to be able to say about our partnership as we look back on it, when we are nearing the end of our lives?

It is worth spending some time thinking about answers to those questions, and about how some of the answers might be incorporated into the ceremony.

Remember: There are only two compulsory elements to ceremony. There must be the exchange of declarations such as “I, John Citizen, take you, Mary Peoples, to be my partner in civil union.” And the documents must be signed. All the rest is up to you.

Two first questions are: How formal will the ceremony be? And where is it to be held?

Part One: Beginning

How will the ceremony begin?

Will you enter together after the guests have gathered? Will you come in with members of your families? Will you be given away? Will you have supporters?

Usually when we start the couple and their supporters are positioned to more or less face the gathering, but in a way that they can also look at each other.

You need to give thought to the music you want for this beginning part of the service.

Part Two: Introduction

Most ceremonies are quite brief, and if you intend it also to be relatively informal it will be fine if most people (except a few elderly relatives) stand throughout the ceremony.

When it is a ceremony at which the gathering is sitting down, the couple and their supporters will usually remain standing (unless it is a rather long ceremony with a number of readings or reflections or musical pieces).

The purpose of the introductory remarks is to settle people down and to help make people very conscious of the purpose of the gathering, and the meaning that a civil union has for you.

Celebrant:

Today we celebrate Name One and Name Two .

We celebrate the contributions of Name One and Name Two to our lives and to our communities.

We celebrate their relationship and their love.

We celebrate their reaffirmation today of that relationship and that love.

And we celebrate their future

We would have welcomed the opportunity to celebrate all this at any time these last Whatever number of years. But today we can celebrate a little more than that; today we can celebrate also their official legal civil union.

This is a serious occasion. A binding union like this is not to be entered into lightly, but only after serious thought. It requires sincerity, honesty and mutual respect.

But although this is a solemn occasion, it is also an occasion of joy, because it is an expression of love, optimism, and life.

It can be good to tell something of the story of the relationship so far at this point.

Even though they have been together for some time, this service does mark an important point for Name Two and Name One , and for their hope and ours that their relationship will go on in growth over the coming years - that it will endure and become even stronger over time.

This ceremony then, marks a reconfirmation of Name One and Name Two 's relationship, a public declaration of their relationship, and the legal recognition of their relationship.

A ceremony is not an end to problems. No relationship is without troubles. But it is a commitment to face problems, to attempt to solve problems, and to rise above them. It is a commitment to try to do no wrongs to each other, but also a commitment to try to forgive the wrongs that are done.

Name Two and Name One have strong beliefs about their relationship and what it means for them to become partners in civil union. [Fill in what you think a civil union is, or adapt the following list.]

They seek to continue and build a relationship a relationship in which companionship, help, support, encouragement, love and comfort should be given and received.

They seek to continue a relationship that it is the voluntary union of a two people who trust one another, who love one another, and who want to share their joys and their sorrows and their plans, their home and their future.

They seek to continue a relationship that is not a dissolving of their individualities. Their union is one of interdependence, but also of independence, and recognises their right to separate friends and opinions and ambitions.

They seek a relationship that it is the voluntary, full and exclusive commitment of two people, entered into with the hope and the firm intention that it will last for life.

Of course this may not only be cut or changed, but also personalised in any way you choose. Perhaps you would like some reflection on the importance of love.

Part Three: Readings , reflections, speeches, music

This is an appropriate part of the service for readings, poetry, or a hymn or other song. Sometimes it is appropriate for one or two special people to say a few words in support of your partnership. This provides for reflection and explanation on your feelings about love and partnership, and also the important friends or relations to participate in the celebration.

Part Four: Declaration

This comes from the marriage service and is really just to make it very clear that you know what you are here for. It can be omitted, but it gives you a chance to say “I do”. It can also be extended with another question or two, about your commitment.

Celebrant:

Name One , do you of your own free choice wish to take Name Two to be your partner in civil union?

Name One:

I do

Celebrant:

Name Two, do you of your own free choice wish to take Name One to be your partner in civil union?

Name Two:

I do

Part Five: Support for the relationship

Celebrant:

You have all gathered here as the friends and family of Name Two and Name One to witness this exchange of vows.

If you commit yourselves to do all in your power to support this relationship now and in the years ahead, then would you please now respond by saying, "We do"?

The gathering:

We do.

And here too is a good place for any children from previous partnership to indicate their support for this partnership, and for an exchange of public declarations of the kind of relationship sought between step-parent and step-child.

Part Six: The Partners Speak

In a civil union, particularly where the couple have been together a long time, it is often appropriate for each of the partners to say a few words about why they are doing this, how they regard their relationship, and what their partner means to them. It sometimes seems a good introduction to the formal vows. Of course it is entirely up to you.

Part Seven: Vows

Feel free, of course, to write your own vows. There is no reason why the vows for both parties to be the same.

Usually the vows will be considerably shorter than the following. Only the first three lines are essential (and they can be changed a little, too, so long as the they are to similar effect).

Celebrant:

Name One and Name Two , take each other's hands. Now Name One , say after me

Name One, following celebrant:

I, Name One,
take you, Name Two,
to be my partner in civil union

I call upon our families and friends gathered here
to witness that I love you.

I am committed to our partnership

I promise to be your lover, companion and friend
Your ally in conflict
Your student and teacher
Your comrade in adventure
Your consolation in disappointment
Your accomplice in mischief
Your strength in your need

I seek to share with you
a relationship of love
and humour and tenderness

I will always try to be open and honest with you
I will share my life
and my worldly possessions
and my thoughts and feelings with you

I will help you fulfil your needs
I will allow you to be yourself
I will rejoice in your growth

I will stand by you through our futures together
respecting you
supporting you
and enjoying you

Celebrant:

Name Two, say after me

Name Two, following celebrant:

I, Name Two
take you, Name One
to be my partner in civil union

I call upon our families and friends gathered here
to witness that I love you

I am committed to our partnership

I seek to share with you
a relationship of love
and humour and tenderness

I will always try to be open and honest with you
I will share my life
and my worldly possessions
and my thoughts and feelings with you

I will help you fulfil your needs
I will allow you to be yourself
I will rejoice in your growth

I will stand by you through our futures together
respecting you
supporting you
and enjoying you

Part Eight: Exchange of rings

Sometimes instead of rings, people exchange pendants. Of course anything at all might be exchanged—or nothing.

Celebrant:

A ring—a circle—is taken as a symbol of endlessness, and so of your hope that your partnership will last forever.

Name Two , say after me

Name Two, following celebrant:

I give you this ring
as a symbol of my love
and as a sign of my vows

Celebrant (quietly):

Now place the ring on Name One's finger.

Name One, say after me.

Name One, following celebrant:

I give you this ring
as a symbol of my love
and as a sign of my vows

Celebrant (quietly):

Now place the ring on Name Two's finger.

Part Eight: Signing the documents

Usually, but by no means always, the documents are signed before pronouncing the civil union complete. This can be done at a table slightly to the side in front of the gathering.

Celebrant:

Now, before we pronounce Name One and Name Two united in civil union, the documents will be signed.

You will wish to think about some music being played during the signing of the documents.

There are two copies of the certificate of civil union to be signed—by each of the parties to the partnership, two witnesses and the celebrant.

After the signing the couple and their supporters gather together again in front, facing the gathering.

Part Nine: Blessing

Possibly the traditional Apache prayer:

Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be a shelter to the other
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you;
Now there is no loneliness.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place
To enter your days together.
And may your days be good
And long upon the earth

Part Ten: Rituals and celebrations

There are a number of rituals from different cultures, which might be incorporated here. The celebrant would announce what is going to happen, and explain its symbolic meaning. Alternatively this is a place for surprise celebratory events.

• The couple lighting a candle together (not for outside ceremonies in Wellington ).

• Breaking a glass by stamping on it.

• The couple drinking wine from the same glass

• Handfasting—the couple being tied together at the wrist with a cord.

• A haka

• Fireworks

Part Eleven: Pronouncement

Celebrant:

Name One and Name Two , you have freely expressed your wish to become partners in civil union. You have made vows to one another before this gathering. Rings have been exchanged. The documents have been signed.

Your civil union has been created by your love

This gathering recognises and celebrates it

May your love deepen and grow through all the tests and joys that life has to offer you.

I hereby pronounce you—officially, formally and legally—partners in civil union.

You may—if permission is needed—now kiss.

Part Eleven: Ending

In more formal ceremonies the couple depart together followed by their supporters, accompanied by appropriate music.

In less formal situations often the celebrant will simply say:

There will now be a chance for you to congratulate the couple .

And everyone mingles.