Household ceremonies

The Sunday roast, Christmas dinner and the birthday party are popular household ceremonies that call for no celebrant. There are other possibilities, however, which can be enormously useful, and in which sometimes a celebrant might be helpful. In New Zealand celebrants are quite often asked to do various forms of home-blessing rituals, and there many other household ceremonies that help ease important transitions. 

• When people move into a new home

• When someone new moves into an existing household

• To mark a change in someone’s life direction

• As part of a naming ceremony, marriage or ceremony of commitment, when that is held in the home

• After some misfortune or a funeral.

 In each case the ceremony is a way of 

• Claiming the space for the people who live there.

• Asserting their will to live harmoniously.

• Reinforcing some key values shared by the household.

Sometimes what is important is the spiritual experience of

• Banishing evil

• Invoking good influences

And often such a ceremony will end with a grace before eating together.

All this, of course, can be done with as much or as little formality as desired—though obviously a household setting lends itself to informality. And of course there is as much or as little religion as desired.

The contexts of these ceremonies vary enormously, and so the appropriate words and rituals also vary. If this is after a funeral or connected with a marriage ceremony, for example, it is likely be rather abbreviated.

I often find some adaptation of the following is a good beginning.

We stand here as the family and friends of Names
who have welcomed us into their [new?] home
to celebrate today [whatever things are to be particularly celebrated]  
In standing here with them we declare our wish
that this be a place of safety for them 
and a place of happiness.

Names

May the door of this home be wide enough
to receive those in need of care.
May it welcome those who have thanks to express, 
those who have hopes and dreams to achieve.
May the door of this home be strong enough
to keep out pettiness and pride, envy and enmity.

May this be a place for fun and love and joy, 
and a place where sorrows can be felt
May it be a place of friendship
a place of harmony
and a place of refuge

May the doorstep be no stumbling block
for young or tired feet.
May it be too high to admit complacency 
selfishness and cruelty.

May the lives of all who enter here,
be enriched by the values and caring of this place.

The blends of Maori culture and Christian practice prevalent in New Zealand have various services for blessing houses, often held after a funeral, and involving the sprinkling of a little water in all the various parts of the home, and the celebrant may easily incorporate this ritual. Often there is a felt need for the words of orthodox religion, but it is not necessarily what is wanted. Words such as the following may be repeated as water is sprinkled in each room:

Water quenches thirst
Water sustains life
Water cleanses
Water purifies

May all that is bad depart from here
Let goodness fill this place

 Sometimes a ceremony emphasises a break from the past.

There are turning points
Moments when things are left behind
Today is such a turning point

Some things are left behind with sadness
And others we are glad to turn away from

And there is also usually an important sense of continuity, which is usually quite important when moving into a new home, that might be symbolised with a flame brought from the old home to the new, or even by lighting a candle with a match brought from the old household.

The home of Names was [at such and such a place]

We light this candle with fire from that home
We bring to this place
the memories of that place
memories of the learnings reached there
memories of the achievements made there
memories of the caring that grew there

If this marks a merging of households then two candles (or more) can be lit, one by one in the name of each of the former households. Then those candles can be used to jointly light a larger central candle.

Each of those homes
Lives on in THIS home

There may then be the chance for anyone present to say a few words (which might be facilitated by questions from the celebrant), usually starting with the hosts and the principal parties to the ceremony, then any guests, and then finally the principals and the hosts again. Sometimes, if Maori influences are significant, each speaker may be followed by a waiata (song).

Often a housewarming ends with a meal. In many households shared meals are important, perhaps unnoticed for their ritual significance. A formal grace is often a proper transition from ritual to festivity. A possible secular grace can be found here.

 © Bill Logan 2001